Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Why I Left Your Grocery Store!

This is a parody- not to be taken seriously- I had no one in mind as I wrote this nor is it an attempt to belittle or disparage anyone. Yes, I am guilty for writing from my heart- that is why I call it 'Pastoral Ponderings.'
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Some time back I published an article by Stuart Briscoe titled 'Why I Left Your Church.' You can read it here. With that in mind, we recently had a new Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market open not far from us. We are delighted and excited about it.

I had this conversation in my mind with the Kroger Grocery Store Manager on why I left his store for the 'new' one. (BTW, he used to actually attend our church.)

"Hi, just wanted to let you know that I am leaving your grocery store. I really love you, your wife, and your wonderful staff,...but...

...the new store is beautiful, ultra modern, huge, plenty of parking, and it is closer to our house...

...even though there was a lot of food on the shelves, I wasn't getting fed here and think I will there...

...they have a greater variety of things than you do, kid's indoors play land , sushi, deli, flower shop...

...the kids love it and see their friends...

...they send out slick contemporary promotional material with upcoming store specials, you don't...

...the new store manager is approachable 24/7, as you didn't return my repeated calls, he obviously will be there for me...

...the new store manager has more charisma than you do, younger, sharper looking...

...they run more specials than you do, I remember the specials of the past, I like specials...

...they bring in popular 'sales' people to hype their products, plus motivational speakers which speak to my lifestyle...

...I didn't like the clientele at your store, aisles were crowded, the people rude, the people at the new store seem to be friendlier...

...I noticed other people were leaving the store, don't know the reason, but they are gone, something must be going on, therefore I need to leave too...

...I really liked you as a store manager, but over the years things happened that have helped me make this decision to leave your store (sorry I never mentioned them to you)...

...I had requested to you (over the years) items that I wanted to see stocked on the shelves, you didn't do it so my confidence in your leadership was diminished...

...your store was always too cold and I felt uncomfortable; this new store has state of the art EVERYTHING and now I feel comfortable there...

...your store announcements were too loud and long, this new store streamlines everything...

...I know you will miss me and my grocery payment, but others will take my place...

...besides the new store manager used to be your associate manager and I always liked him...


...so long and I hope you make it and we are still fiends, oh... I mean friends, right!"

I really enjoyed writing this post- does that make me a bad person?

2 comments:

Meagan Henning said...

I liked that blog! Very funny! Did you actually write that?

Pastor David said...

>meagan- thanks for the comment- yes it is original by me and my twisted sense of humor!