At booking- a question...

click pic to enlarge

...let's see..um...do you have any distinguishing marks?

Absurdity #25 - Immigration Stats

absurd-ridiculously unreasonable, unsound, or incongruous

Well, now that the Amnesty Bill, oh, excuse me, the Immigration Bill has suffered another defeat (death), here are some figures to make you think:

Number of Illegal Aliens in the Country
20,807,645
Money Wired to Mexico City since January, 2006
$ 22,213,001,672.00
Cost of Social Security Services for Illegal Aliens since 1996
$397,450,739,563.00
Number of Children of Illegal Aliens in Public Schools
3,958,789
Cost of Illegal Aliens in K-12 Since 1996:
$ 13, 965,063,431.00
Number of Illegal Aliens Incarcerated
332,594
Cost of Incarcerations Since 2001
$ 1,398,127,429.00
Number of Illegal Aliens Fugitives
642,799
Skilled Jobs Taken by Illegal Aliens
9,872,838

-click here for the latest actual figures-

Amazing Pool shots!

Absurdity #24- Porn on Rise Among Evangelicals?

absurd-ridiculously unreasonable, unsound, or incongruous


A new survey shows that five of ten Christian men in the U.S. -- and two of ten Christian women -- are addicted to pornography. The survey was conducted by ChristiaNet.com, an online Christian Internet community.

Bill Cooper, president of ChristiaNet.com, says there is an escalation in Internet pornography addiction among evangelicals. The survey found that 50 percent of men who regularly attend church are addicted to pornography, and 20 percent of female churchgoers are also addicted. The Internet has made it easier for people to get trapped in pornography's grip, Cooper explains.

The survey also found that 40 percent of women admitted to being involved in sexual sin in the past year. In addition, 60 percent of women who answered the survey admitted to having significant struggles with lust. Cooper admits he found those results surprising.

"Most of us don't typically think of women as having sexual problems," he shares. "We typically think of men as the ones who are into pornography or the ones who are lusting or maybe having affairs. But that's the part [about the survey] that really surprised us the most."

Those are startling statistics. How is it that we who have been set free are now being ensnared again?

Need to put some safeguards in effect:

Computer in open area-

If not, door left open-

Internet Filters-

Parental and spouse supervision-

Make a pack with spouse that there are no hidden secrets-

Make a pack with God to set a watch over your eyes and heart-

Desire to flee youthful lusts-

What are you doing to protect yourself and family?------ leave comments.

VBS-2007-- Wild and Wet!

We just completed our week of VBS. Wow! What a great time had by all and I do mean all, even the adults enjoyed it!

There was a lot of 'wet time' and yours truly got soaked by the youth workers (lifeguards).

We have great pictures of the event as I was the official photographer. Was that bragging?? Some of them will be posted on the church website this week. Watch for them!

One of my favorite shots is below. Each age group brought food to fill our Food Pantry. The group that brought the most food got to make their leaders an Ice cream Sunday. They became the canvas to get worked over. Three teens got the blessed chance to be doused with ice cream, chocolate syrup, sprinkles, and nuts. Look closely to the pic and you will see them all.

click pic for larger image

Thanks to all the great 'Lifeguard' workers that made this happen! Big thanks to Brooke and Rachel for the great planning and execution. You're the best!

Meet the Tater Family

I printed this in our bulletin a few years back. It is not original with me and I’m not sure who the author is. However, it is a humorous and insightful way to look at some of the people who attend church.

Dick Tater
He's the self-appointed potentate who feels everything should be done his way. He never serves or works; he just bosses others.

Emmy Tater

She's the member of the family who follows all the latest fads. She’s never really discovered her own identity because she’s always busy trying to be like someone else.

Hezy Tater
When Hezy is asked to help at church, he knows he should, but he always puts it off. He's sure he'll get around to serving God someday.

Carmen Tater

Carmen has an opinion about everything, and you never need to ask what she thinks because she's the first one to tell you.

Speck Tater

Speck's favorite phrase is: "I love work; I can watch others do it for hours." He doesn't get involved, but he's a great observer.

Agi Tater

When Agi was in school, she got poor marks on "plays well with others." Agi is continually in conflict with others, and always seems to be involved in strife and division. No matter what the Pastor or church does, it's never good enough in Agi's eyes.

Sweet Tater

This is the only cordial and cooperative member of the Tater family. Sweet Tater is the ideal member of the church. She has a great attitude, is faithful, committed, supportive, and involved. She doesn’t dictate, imitate, hesitate, commentate, spectate, or agitate!

Can you think of any other 'taters?'

Amazing Etch a Sketch drawing!

This guy is unbelievable- check out his website here!

Absurdity #23- No Crosses on Federal Property?

absurd-ridiculously unreasonable, unsound, or incongruous

Did you see in the news where the A.C.L.U. doesn't want any crosses on Federal property?

Crosses on Federal Property? Well duh.........

How will they handle this?

'Who's Watching You?' Father's Day 2007

We had a great Father's Day service yesterday. Gave away 2 tickets in each service to the Texas Rangers at the Ballpark. Seats are behind home plate! Just wish they were doing better.

I wanted to preach on 'Who's Watching You!' You can hear the message on the Vine Fellowship website. The creative team came through with great visuals. We made it a 'wear your favorite team jersey' day and flooded the stage with sports equipment (we even had a fishing boat up there). The idea- we are a society of watchers- sports, etc. However we are fast becoming a society of being 'the watched.' With cameras in banks, at intersections, etc. we are now being watched everyday!

The kicker- in our homes we have been watched for generations as our children see and our children do.

It was well responded to and the men were given wrist bands that stated two things- 'Very Best!' and 'Wholehearted.' We committed to give our very best to God and our families and remain wholehearted to God!

The below video is from a child abuse prevention program in Australia called 'Children see, Children do.' I did not show it to the church because of the graphic nature of it and the possibility it would stir up deep personal issues. I did use images they have for the powerpoint presentation of my sermon. (You can ask for it and I will send it to you).

WARNING VERY GRAPHIC!

My heart is broken- so is God's!

Baskin Robbins- Many Flavors- The Church Too!

There is a big controversy in my area with the Southwestern Baptist Theological School. A Pastor friend of mine here in Arlington, Dwight McKissic, pastor of Cornerstone Baptist Church, told the seminary chapel students that he prayed in private in tongues. What makes this so significant: he is a Baptist and on the Board of Trustees for the Seminary. Read about it here. It is affecting the entire Southern Baptist Convention. They are once again wrestling with distinctives that make them Baptist and different from all others in the Kingdom of God.

Many flavors abound in the Kingdom of God much like Baskin Robbins.

As A.W. Tozer so brilliantly noted in one of his sermons:

"We are told that when John Wesley was dying, he tried to sing, but his voice was nearly gone. He was almost ninety. He had traveled hundreds of thousands of miles on horseback, preaching three or four times daily in founding a great church. He was plainly Arminian in his theology, but as his Christian family and friends gathered around his bed, he was trying to sing the words of an old Calvinist hymn:

I will praise my Maker while I’ve breath, And when my soul is lost in death, Praise shall employ my nobler powers.

That is why I cannot get all heated up about contending for one theological side or another on that issue. If Isaac Watts, a Calvinist, could write such praise to God and John Wesley, an Arminian, could sing it with yearning and they both can meet and hug one another in glory, why should I allow anyone to force me to confess, “I don’t know which I am!” Why should anyone bother me with an issue like that?

I was created to worship and praise God. I was redeemed that I should worship Him and enjoy Him forever.

That is the primary issue, my brother or sister. That is why we earnestly invite men and women to become converted, taking Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord."

Man, we really need to remember why we are here! Oh, that the world may know we are one in Him!

Absurdity #22- New Face or Two Faced?

absurd-ridiculously unreasonable, unsound, or incongruous

Picture at left is the night of the last Democratic debates. The pic on the right is the day after? Was it just good lighting and sublime makeup the night before or injections??????

The instant Hillary appears, a woman whispers, “Oh look at Hillary. She’s had work done!” WBZ’s political guru Jon Keller was asked, "Notice anything about Hillary? “Botox,” he replied, not missing a beat. “But it’s time for Botox to win one.” Kerry couldn't with Botox, will Hillary be able too?

In the offices of dermatologist-to-the-stars Jeffrey Dover of SkinCare Physicians, Chestnut Hill, a visiting “anchorwoman,” said Dover, noted Hillary’s “flawless, almost dewy” appearance and wondered if it was spectacular makeup or Botox, or perhaps fillers or microdermabrasion.

Who knows? Not Bill, not Secret Service, not us, only Hillary!

Os Hillman on Understanding the Source of Anger

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. —Proverbs 29:11

The workplace can be a pressure-packed world. The demands that are often put on us can bring out things that we never knew were there. Sometimes we begin to think that the source of that pressure is to blame for our response to the pressure. It could be an event, a spouse, a boss, a client, a child, or even a driver who cuts us off in traffic.

I recall responding to a close friend one time, "If you had not done that, I would never have responded that way." Later I learned that this response had little truth to it. We all choose to get angry. No one else is to blame for our anger.

"The circumstances of life, the events of life, and the people around me in life, do not make me the way I am, but reveal the way I am" [Dr. Sam Peeples].

This simple quote has had a profound impact on how I view my anger now. Anger only reveals what is inside of me. I can't blame anyone but me for my response to a situation. I have learned that anger is only the symptom of something else that is going on inside of me. This quote now resides on my refrigerator door as a daily reminder of the truth about my response to life's situations.

It has been said that anger is like the warning panel on the dash of your car. It is the light that tells us something is going on under the hood and we need to find out what is the source of the problem. I discovered that the source of anger is often unmet expectations or personal rights. We believe we are entitled to a particular outcome to a situation. When this doesn't happen, it triggers something in us. At the core of this is fear, often a fear of failure or rejection, fear of what others think, fear of the unknown.

If you struggle with anger, ask God to reveal the source of that anger. Ask Him to heal you of any fears that may be the root of your anger. Ask God to help you take responsibility for your response to difficult situations.

Addicted to Coffee?

You know you are addicted to coffee when...

You're employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there…

your eyes stay open when you sneeze…

you chew on other people's fingernails…

you can type sixty words per minute with your feet…

you can jump-start your car without cables…

you don't sweat, you percolate…

you've worn out the handle on your favourite coffee mug…

you walk 10 miles on your treadmill before you realise it's not hooked up…

you've worn the finish off your coffee table…

it’s midnight and you’re weighing the pros and cons of making a new pot...

you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's easier...

native North American Aboriginal Indians call you "Ona mac towanda" (Smells-like-coffee)...

you're so wired, you pick up radio signals…

your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil…

you'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison…

your doctor measures your heartbeat on the Richter scale as well as by its frequency...

you go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee…

your favorite entree: coffee meatloaf...

you name your cats 'Cream' and 'Sugar'…

your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position…

you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug…

you don't tan, you roast…

you don't get mad, you get steamed…

the phrase "Swiss water decaffeinated" strike terror into your heart...

your coffee mug is insured by Lloyd's of London…

you introduce your spouse as your coffee mate…

you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water...

you think CPR stands for 'coffee provides resuscitation'…

you ski uphill…

you get a speeding ticket even when you're parked…

you haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse…

you just completed another sweater and you don't even know how to knit...

your wife announces she is leaving you and your first thought was, 'Ha ha! More coffee for me!'

Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay!

At a fund raising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay."

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

"That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

To all those that make a bold statement, "That it is all about winning," you need to think that again! That day everyone was a winner including Shay!

Microsoft Corporation 1978- those were the days?

Recognize anyone?

Absurdity #21 - The Bible is Indecent?

absurd-ridiculously unreasonable, unsound, or incongruous


HONG KONG (Reuters) - More than 800 Hong Kong residents have called on authorities to reclassify the Bible as "indecent" due to its sexual and violent content, following an uproar over a sex column in a university student journal.

A spokesperson for Hong Kong's Television and Entertainment Licensing authority (TELA) said it had received 838 complaints about the Bible by noon Wednesday.

The complaints follow the launch of an anonymous Web site -- www.truthbible.net -- which said the holy book "made one tremble" given its sexual and violent content, including rape and incest.

continuing...
If the Bible is similarly classified as "indecent" by authorities, only those over 18 could buy the holy book and it would need to be sealed in a wrapper with a statutory warning notice. TELA said it was still undecided on whether the Bible had violated Hong Kong's obscene and indecent articles laws.

But a local protestant minister shrugged off this possibility. "If there is rape mentioned in the Bible, it doesn't mean it encourages those activities," said Reverend Wu Chi-wai. "It's just common sense ... I don't think that criticism will have strong support from the public," he added.
FYI- it wasn't deemed 'indecent.'

Invitation to Church-

Ever been there, done that, or thought that?

Absurdity #20- Life's Short. Get a Divorce

absurd-ridiculously unreasonable, unsound, or incongruous

An all-female law firm is turning heads in Chicago with a new billboard and a blunt message: "Life's Short. Get a Divorce.''

The billboard, sponsored by Fetman, Garland & Associates, Ltd., a firm that specializes in divorce cases, features the six-pack abs of a headless male torso and tanned female cleavage heaving forth from a black lace bra.

The ad is the brainchild of Corri Fetman, "Law firm advertising is boring…Everything's always the same. It's lawyers in libraries with a suit on and the law books behind them. They don't say anything. What, I should hire you because you have a law degree? C'mon. So we wanted to try something different."

Reaction from those who work in and around Chicago's divorce courts has been less than enthusiastic.

"It's grotesque,'' said John Ducanto, past president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. "It's totally undignified and offensive."

"It trivializes divorce and I think it's absolutely disgusting," Rick Tivers, a clinical social worker at the Center for Divorce Recovery in Chicago. "Divorce is traumatic enough without this kind of [advertising]. We try and help people go through the divorce process with as much integrity as possible. A lot of my work is helping people grieve the loss of a divorce, and their own sense of betrayal. This makes divorce seem like it's not a big deal, and it's a huge deal for many people.''

What it says to me- marriage is boring; give up on your spouse for a buff bod like one of these; marriage is all about hot sex; look what you're missing by being married; divorce has never been so easy or so good.

We are a messed up society!

p.s. The sign was eventually taken down.

We're Friendly in Texas

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan, who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind of figured we was friends."

Fun IQ Questions?

Received these from my friend Judy R. Answers at the bottom, but please try to honestly answer these before going there.

1) How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?

2) How many birthdays does the average man have?

3) Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?

4) Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why?

5) What was the President's name in 1950?

6) I have two U.S. coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?

7) How far can a dog run into the woods?

8) A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?

9) How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen?

10) Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?

1) None--Noah had the ark, not Moses. 2) One. 3) All of them. 4) No, because he is dead. 5) Same as it is now. 6) 50-cent piece and a nickel (one is a nickel; the other is not). 7) Half way. 8) Meat. 9) 12. 10) He can't be buried if he isn't dead.

So, how many did you get right or get wrong? Let me know in the comments.